No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize