While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize