I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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