I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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