i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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