I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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