shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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