you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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