4 words: hood of his car
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I forget how to act sober
Randomize