just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize