You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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