i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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