its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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