just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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