I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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