dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
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Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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