Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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