I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize