Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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