there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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