this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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