I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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