I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize