Grow some girl-balls and come out already
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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