Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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