Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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