I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You were trust falling into bushes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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