No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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