I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize