i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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