Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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