Sry I called you an 8
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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