There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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