New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize