I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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