3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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