remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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