Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize