We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize