You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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