What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
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oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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