I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize