Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize