That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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