FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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