Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize