Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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