I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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