Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize