i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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